A Letter to Aliens

I saw on the news that the U. S government order a fighter plane to shoot down a UFO in the 1950s. I figure I better do damage control just in case.

Dear Aliens,

How are you? Sorry about trying to shoot you down. It wasn't me. Thank you for not vaporizing us. I actually think you guys are pretty cool. One year, I was going to actually dress up for you on Halloween, but the costumes were not anatomically correct. A couple years back, I was going to go trick or treating as Spock, but decided to go as Leonard Nimoy instead.

I heard that you absorb cow blood through you skin for nourishment and that you like strawberry ice cream. Have you thought about blood ice cream? I'm sure Breyers would probably make it for you. They use all natural ingredients and it would be a higher quality than just store brand.

People probably ask you about Elvis all the time when they see you. That must get old. I mean you didn't even know the guy. Also, while we're kind of on the subject, I think you'd be better off asking for volunteers instead of abducting people. Just make a reality show about it and you should have no problem getting people to come aboard your spacecraft. Fox would probably be interested in programming it, but then again, they'll program almost anything.

Also, don't go see The Yes Man starring Jim Carrey. I haven't heard whether it's good or not, but judging by his last few movies, you'd be much better off waiting for it to come out on DVD and renting it then. I you're going to rent it, though, I'd use Netflix or Blockbuster online instead of going to a store. I'm not exactly sure where your from, but you probably don't want to have to return the DVD the next day.

Respectfully yours,

The Chronic Nice Guy