The director: This guy thinks he's in charge. His main job is to yell "action" and "cut" and tell the actors how to better convey the emotion of the scene, which usually means he is ignored by them. This guy also tells the rest of the crew how to light the scene, run the sound, move the dolly, and shoot the scene, which leads to a lot of complaining by the crew that despite their 3.8 from USC or NYU, they have to listen to this guy because he's the son of some Hollywood executive who they've hired to preserve the artistic integrity of their hit Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2, or whatever.
The producer: This is the guy who organized everything and who hired the crew. He's also the one that has to listen to everyone complain how they can't believe they got up at 4 am to do the scene with Annette Benning eating watermelon and discussing the Council of Trent.
The DP: Despite what every frat guy is laughing about at this point, this is the guy who is in charge of the cameras. His assistants are caled "shooters." You can tell who they are by looking for the guys with light meters who complain that the director hasn't given them enough time to light the movie and if they could only have ordered the more expensive lighting package, their footage of William Shatner in silver spandex wouldn't look like an elephant seal that got caught in a package of Reynolds wrap.
The Gaffer: This guy always tapes stuff down. He is supposed to be the lighting director, but the DP always complains that he's not doing his job properly and why does he have to do both jobs, he only one man for Christ's sake! That's why he tapes things, so he can mutter obscenities to himself about the DP while he's taping the power cables down.
The Best Boy: If you thought slavery had been abolished in the United States, you've never heard f a Best Boy. The best boy is in charge of all of the minions on the set that take care of all the things that the actors need on the set, mainly to entertain people who read the National Enquirer. "Did you see that on her last movie that Lindsay Lohan wanted pork rind soda and we had to go to Coca-cola and pay them to make six cases? All because she's secretly in love with this guy who writes a blog and has been trying to get in touch with him every day and sits alone crying in her trailer when she can't reach him." (I'm sorry Lindsay - just reply via this blog, and I'll get back to you. Promise.)
The Executive Producer: This guy put up the money for the movie and is very impressed by that fact. He can most often be seen with a pack of sychophants by the craft services table or talking loudly about the Marlin he landed off the Bahamas while everyone is trying to film. He is partially psychic and knows exactly when to show up - on the one day where there is a problem on the set.
The boom operator: This guy's job, at least according to the DP, is to ruin every shot by getting tired of keeping his arms up (after waiting for 45 minutes for the DP and Gaffer to stop arguing about the lighting) and lower the microphone suspended on a boom pole into the shot. This usually only happens during the only take where Rob Schneider was actually funny (in whatever movie he is making).
Miscellaneous crew who really don't do anything and are paid to stand around: There are a lot of these, particularly if it is a big budget movie. These guys are always at the craft services table or playing cards, checking their iPhone or a hundred other useless things until the day Jennifer Love-Hewitt does her sex scene. Then, everyone shows up on set to do their job.
The "talent": This is the Hollywood lingo for the actors. While it is true in some cases (Ben Kingsley, for example), it is sometimes not appropriate (David Spade). If you want to impress people and make them think you are in the movie industry this is the term to use, as in the sentence. I was going over the dailies (daily film footage from the set) with the talent, but all they could talk abut was the new croussant Key Lime pudding at Spago's. You'll convince everyone for sure.
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