I've been thinking about the voiceover I would write to the opening motage of a movie about me. Here's what I've come up with so far...
Well, I guess it had to happen eventually - someone had to make a movie about a blogger. It';s probably not going to be very good. I mean, a blogger just sits around all the time. If I were you, I'd leave right now and go up to the manager and demand my money back. And I'm the guy the movie is about. Imagine if I wasn't me writing this. Think about how bad the movie must really be.
You know what would be better? A scratch and sniff blogger movie. There's a certain age where it's not cool to scratch and sniff anymore though. I don't really know when that is. One more thing they took away from us. Probably sniffing that stuff the scratch and sniff stickers are made of gives you cancer. It's also the same people who caused the recession. Also, what kind of scents would you get to sniff in this movie anyways? It's not like I go to the beach or rose gardens all the time. Ink toner and old books aren't usually on the the top of people's lists.
Well, if you've stayed this long, then probably you didn't ask for your money back or you are making out in the back of the theater. Well, I'm glad this movie is at least good for something that way. Bringing two people closer together. I get to sit here alone and type this introduction and not make out with anyone, although if Natalie Portman wanted to come over and make out, I wouldn't be opposed to it. I probably even would stop typing this monologue. As you can see, since I'm still typing this, she's not here. So I guess we should start the movie by showing credits or something. Unless they already happened. Those film executives don't tell me anything.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Where I've been...
Hi everyone,
Sorry I have written a blog entry for a long time. Things at work have become very busy, surreal, hectic, and chocolaty. (All of that is true except the chocolaty.) I have actually written some new material for the blog, but it's at home and I'm in Chicago, not that that's a bad place to be, unless you're Rod Blagoyevich.
I'm actually at my friend Jason's apartment as I'm typing this. He's from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (He always make sure he says "Pennsylvania" in case someone assumes that he means Pittsburgh, Kansas) and went to Syracuse University (which he always say instead of just "Syracuse" because when someone asks him where he went to school and he replies "Syracuse." I'm guessing he most likely assumes that they think he meant DeVry Institute in Syracuse. Not that there's anything wrong with that. DeVry is a fine institution, but I would think that if someone went there they would say "DeVry" instead of "Syracuse" if the branch of DeVry Institute was in Syracuse. Maybe Jason feels that "University" validates the Syracuse part, as if to say Syracuse UNIVERSITY! as opposed to DeVry institute and since he knows Syracuse is a university, it proves he's not lying.)
I actually have a lot of good Jason stories. So many, in fact, that I wrote a draft of a script about Jason and all the stuff that happened to him with my friend Josh. When people reviewed it for us, all the stuff that happened with Jason was the stuff people said was unbelievable. All the fake stuff that we used to tie everything together was the stuff they said was the best because it was so realistic. At some point, I'll get back to work on it. Maybe sometime soon. It's probably too much for a movie, it's more of a TV series. David Cross can play me. (People say I look like him. See my manifesto on bald guys if you want a longer discussion about it.)
Well, I should get back to doing stuff in Chicago. I promise I'll start writing again. Maybe it will even be funny. And with any luck, someone will read this and want to hire me to write blog entries or be a faucet tester or a professional clapper. I hear they make big money.
Later,
The Chronic Nice Guy
Sorry I have written a blog entry for a long time. Things at work have become very busy, surreal, hectic, and chocolaty. (All of that is true except the chocolaty.) I have actually written some new material for the blog, but it's at home and I'm in Chicago, not that that's a bad place to be, unless you're Rod Blagoyevich.
I'm actually at my friend Jason's apartment as I'm typing this. He's from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (He always make sure he says "Pennsylvania" in case someone assumes that he means Pittsburgh, Kansas) and went to Syracuse University (which he always say instead of just "Syracuse" because when someone asks him where he went to school and he replies "Syracuse." I'm guessing he most likely assumes that they think he meant DeVry Institute in Syracuse. Not that there's anything wrong with that. DeVry is a fine institution, but I would think that if someone went there they would say "DeVry" instead of "Syracuse" if the branch of DeVry Institute was in Syracuse. Maybe Jason feels that "University" validates the Syracuse part, as if to say Syracuse UNIVERSITY! as opposed to DeVry institute and since he knows Syracuse is a university, it proves he's not lying.)
I actually have a lot of good Jason stories. So many, in fact, that I wrote a draft of a script about Jason and all the stuff that happened to him with my friend Josh. When people reviewed it for us, all the stuff that happened with Jason was the stuff people said was unbelievable. All the fake stuff that we used to tie everything together was the stuff they said was the best because it was so realistic. At some point, I'll get back to work on it. Maybe sometime soon. It's probably too much for a movie, it's more of a TV series. David Cross can play me. (People say I look like him. See my manifesto on bald guys if you want a longer discussion about it.)
Well, I should get back to doing stuff in Chicago. I promise I'll start writing again. Maybe it will even be funny. And with any luck, someone will read this and want to hire me to write blog entries or be a faucet tester or a professional clapper. I hear they make big money.
Later,
The Chronic Nice Guy
What script idea should I be thinking about pitching to the major studios?
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