Hey BP executives,
How's it going? Well, I sort of know the answer to that one. So, why did you chose green and yellow for your logo? Isn't it sort of ironic that you chose green when all the plants in the Gulf of Mexico that were green are now brown? Also, a bit of brand advice. This is the United States, where we don't say petroleum unless we are talking about petroleum jelly. We don't really even call it that. We call it Vasoline. Well, on second thought, Petroleum probably is a good word to use. Otherwise your company would be called BO (not a good US name for other reasons). I guess after what you did t the US in the gulf it sort of feels like you've used a lot of petroleum jelly (and rubber gloves) on people here too.
Do you read the in flight magazine when you travel? I'm guessing no. I rarely meet anyone who does, but then again, you are flying from England and it's a pretty long flight. Do you use your own jet fuel or do you just get whatever's cheapest? I'm guessing you go with what's cheapest. No offense, but it seems like you like to cut a lot of corners.
As far as your appearances on C-SPAN, it seems like you answer with a lot of "I don't know." Do you know what works really well instead of that? A song medley. They do that at the opening of the Academy Awards when they don't know how to start the show. Maybe you could hire Elton John to write you a song about all of the Oil Rigs that have had safety violations. There are over 750 of them. I'm sure there's something that rhymes with Deepwater Horizon. Well, if you get stuck and Elton John says no, I've got a lot of other advice. Given how you have spent the majority of the crisis money on PR, I'm hoping I can make some of that money and rent a barge or something.
Sincerely yours,
The Chronic Nice Guy.
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