Dear Ms. Johansson,
A few weeks ago, I was at 7-11 and I bought a Slurpee and they had Iron Man 2 collectors cups there. Initially, I went for the Iron Man cup because, after all, having a cup with those moving images on the outside is pretty cool, but having one with Iron Man would be even cooler. Well, I was sort of thirsty and not really that dedicated to finding and Iron Man cup, so instead, I just grabbed the first cup I saw. It was Mickey Rourke. I put it back.
The next cup I grabbed was yours. I am a fan. Not a stalker type fan, but I like your movies, so I was pretty happy with my selection of your cup. Had I initially realized there was a Scarlett Johannson cup, I probably would have picked that, but that's not really why I'm writing this letter.
I wanted to let you know that on the final flip image of the cup, your right thigh and buttock region appear abnormally large. I've seen Iron Man 2 twice so far and as far as I can tell, your right buttock area is well proportioned to the rest of your body. They can do a lot of things with digital effects though. After all, it is Iron Man 2.
I'm not opposed to you having and abnormally large right thigh and buttock area, but I just thought you should know that 7-11 is presenting them that way. If you'd like to meet me visually or physically inspect the lower right portion of your body and see that is appropriate for the rest of your body, I would be happy to do so. I will be honest with you, unlike most Hollywood sycophants, and even if your right thigh area is unusually massive, I would be happy to go out with you.
Sincerely,
The Chronic Nice Guy
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