I've been thinking about the voiceover I would write to the opening motage of a movie about me. Here's what I've come up with so far...
Well, I guess it had to happen eventually - someone had to make a movie about a blogger. It';s probably not going to be very good. I mean, a blogger just sits around all the time. If I were you, I'd leave right now and go up to the manager and demand my money back. And I'm the guy the movie is about. Imagine if I wasn't me writing this. Think about how bad the movie must really be.
You know what would be better? A scratch and sniff blogger movie. There's a certain age where it's not cool to scratch and sniff anymore though. I don't really know when that is. One more thing they took away from us. Probably sniffing that stuff the scratch and sniff stickers are made of gives you cancer. It's also the same people who caused the recession. Also, what kind of scents would you get to sniff in this movie anyways? It's not like I go to the beach or rose gardens all the time. Ink toner and old books aren't usually on the the top of people's lists.
Well, if you've stayed this long, then probably you didn't ask for your money back or you are making out in the back of the theater. Well, I'm glad this movie is at least good for something that way. Bringing two people closer together. I get to sit here alone and type this introduction and not make out with anyone, although if Natalie Portman wanted to come over and make out, I wouldn't be opposed to it. I probably even would stop typing this monologue. As you can see, since I'm still typing this, she's not here. So I guess we should start the movie by showing credits or something. Unless they already happened. Those film executives don't tell me anything.
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