25 Additional Things You Didn't Know About Me

Although I did the 16 things you don't know about me from my sister. So many people sent me the 25 things that I sort of feel obligated to write another 25 things. The earlier 16 things are on my blog and are equally hilarious.

So, here goes...

1. I have seriously been considering buying a car, but the only one that I'm really interested in is the Batmobile.

2. For about 38 minutes this weekend, I seriously contemplated giving up my cell phone and using semifore (those flags they use on sailboats) to communicate.

3. I am allergic to dogs, cats, mice, cockroaches, hamsters, oat grass, wormwood, and dust. I've been getting a shot every Tuesday. I'm secretly hoping they give me the wrong shot by mistake and I end up with some awesome superpower.

4. Like Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and George H. W. Bush, I am left handed. George W. Bush is right handed. (I guess being left handed should be a qualification for being president, or at least the ability to swallow a pretzel without choking.)

5. Of the five Spice Girls, I think Posh would travel farthest if thrown from a catapult.

6. My favorite brand of flaxseed oil is Barlean's, with extra lignans.

7. Although I'm from Philadelphia, my first baseball cap was a Pittsburgh Pirates hat. (Don't blame me. I was two.). On that subject, Pittsburgh's sports team owners are the best, particularly when deciding team colors. All three teams are black and yellow. That way fans can save money on buying clothes to wear at sporting events. Red pinstripe with orange and green if you're Flava Flav. I guess Philadelphia owners didn't think of that.

8. I don't like the idea of pickup lines because I think they are disingenuous. I guess that's why I'm not very good with them. They sort of feel like lying to me, which makes me feel uncomfortable.

9. I lie constantly. (This is not true.)

10. For my doctorate, I had to write two dissertation "articles" (about 75 pages each) and a piece of music. After I got my doctorate, I threw away the articles.

11. I am the recipient of a prank phone call once every few weeks from one of the two Matts. It's usually about how something has gone wrong at work. Since so much goes wrong, I usually buy it. They are always disappointed with my reaction.

12. For Halloween one year in high school, I dressed as Lee Iacocca's (the CEO of Chrysler) grandson. I made a sign and everything. Most people didn't think it was funny.

13. I once spent about ten minutes in the bathroom at Kuma's (a sushi place in DC) because they had two toilets facing each other with no divider between them. I flushed them each about half a dozen times because I didn't want to accidentally go in the bidet. Inexplicably, though, they were both toilets.

14. My maternal grandfather was part Moorish, which makes me part African American (probably 1/32 or less). My maternal grandmother denied this fact her whole life.

15. I've been thinking that someone should write a movie about a vigilante who goes around killing bank and Fortune 500 CEOs and gives the money to poor people, sort of a modern day Robin Hood. Oh, and also Dick Cheney.

16. The only celebrities I've seen in Washington, DC ate Jimmy Carter (in a room with 200 other people), Tim Russert at Chef Geoff's (his cranium was huge), and the back of Chris Matthews' head at El Guapo's.

17. I think the greatest living actor is Tom Cruise. (I don't actually believe this, but now my friend Yana is getting all upset because she hates Tom Cruise.) Probably my favorite actors are Sean Penn, Daniel Day-Lewis, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Robert Duvall, Johnny Depp, and Viggo Mortensen.

18. If I got a dog, it would be a beagle, but I probably won't ever get one. I'd also consider a black lab or a cocker spaniel. I wouldn't get a springer spaniel or Jack Russell terrier because I wouldn't want to consider whether my dog can figure out how to get to the Hungry Jack Pancake Mix I've hidden and when I get home, his nose would be all dusted like a cocaine addict and he'd be all wired and ornery until I made him coffee, scrambled eggs, and Bob Evans maple flavored sausage links.

19. I am really frustrated with the fact that I can remember Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941 and homered in his last at bat in 1960, but I can't remember where I left my car keys. (Also, Ted Williams' body is cryogenically frozen, but they had to decapitate him because he wouldn't fit in the storage device.)

20. I have never ice skated. For this reason, I don't think I'd make a good hockey player unless they changed the rules and falling down became an important part of the game. Also, I don't have a good hockey name like Guy LaFleur.

21.Until last year I had never tasted beer. Finally, after months of coaxing from the Matts and Cathy, I finally broke down at Brew at the Zoo. The first beer I tried was Dogfish Pumpkin Spice Ale. I was not impressed.

22. I think we should make serial killers go on dangerous suicide missions for the military, because a. they already have on the job training (they'd have to spend a lot of time to get me to hate someone enough to kill them), b. they already enjoy what they do - they kill people for fun, and c. it wouldn't cost very much in supplies. (Jeffrey Dahmer wouldn't need rations, for example. Just drop him behind enemy lines with a knife an fork.) If they were killed, no big loss. I mean, they kill people for fun!

23. If I had to choose four directors to make a Mt. Rushmore of filmmakers, I wouldn't do it because constructing it would be a lot of work. If somebody put a gun to my head and forced me to do it, the craftmanship would be extremely subpar, because my movements would be restricted and I would be worried the person was going to kill me. (I mean, what kind of person puts a gun to someone's head and orders them to make a sculpture from a mountain?!!) If someone gave me one billion dollars to build a Mt. Rushmore of filmmakers. I would subcontract the work to better craftsmen and keep the remaining percentage.

Why do people pose this hypothetical anyway? It's probably the dumbest analogy anyone ever makes. Who's on your Mt. Rushmore of ______? Noone is going to care enough about anything to make another sculpture like Mt. Rushmore. By the way, the four most important filmmakers probably are: Kurosawa, John Ford, Kubrick, and Hitchcock, although I'm probably not thinking about somebody. Also, what if thee was a Mt. Rushmore or mountains? What would that look like?

24. I actually write stuff like this out while I'm in bed trying to sleep. Sometimes, I'll almost be asleep then I think of something funny, then I have to turn on the light and write it down before I forget. I hen take it with me on the subway and type it on my iPhone on my way to school to make better use of my time. Otherwise, I read my horoscope in the free newspaper or think of other uses for strawberry Twizzlers.

25. I'm never really sure if anyone reads anything I write online, except for people gathering intel at the NSA on subversive bloggers who girls only seem to like as a friend.

(Dear single female NSA internet spy,

I know that you must be pretty smart to be in the NSA, but if you're funny and attractive too, please feel free to wiretap me, make obscene phone calls, and keep me under house arrest. Also, I am willing to be coerced in a physical (but non-painful) way to give up m friends' secrets: Jason's ordeal with beef stew, Matt's unplanned stop at a Georgetown park, and Tegan's secret fear of leprechauns. (Not true, but I felt I should include her birthday was yesterday. By the way, have you ever seen the movie Leprechaun with Jennifer Aniston? It's terrible!)