A sensitive email confirmation

From: simondor002@bol.com.br

Subject: CONFIRM YOUR EMAIL ID

Date: August 12, 2010 1:54:30 PM EDT

To: undisclosed-recipients:;Attention,

Can you please confirm if you are still using this email address.

There is information I think might interest you. I am Mr. Simon Dornoo, I work with Barclay's Bank. First of all, I do not know if I am talking to the right person, But I will like you to confirm if you are the owner of this email ID. Already I have your name and details in our file in the office, but somehow I am not comfortable and too sure that I am communicating with the right owner of this email.

If you can prove that you are the owner of this email ID, I will furnish you with the information that I have for you when I am convinced I am talking to the right person.

I am taking this preventive measure because I do not want to talk to the wrong person because of the sensitivity of the information regarding the issue.Other details will be forwarded to you as soon as
I am convinced that I am communicating with the right person.

Mr Simon Dornoo
Barclay's Bank
dorsimon2001@gmail.com

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Dear Simon (I'm hoping if I call you that, then you'll feel more comfortable about talking to me),

How are you? Did something happen to your computer? I only ask because you are sending this email asking for my information, so I'm guessing someone hacked into your computer or you poured grape soda on it. Also, you ended your question with a period which leads me to believe that your question mark key is broken.

After reading your email, I became concerned. What sensitive information do you have about me? I really don't have any secrets. Okay, well, once, a long time ago, I ate dry cake mix out of the box. I guess I wouldn't want that to get out. Also, I was a little concerned about how the email was sent to undisclosed recipients. I hope you didn't send this to my boss's email address, or the girl I like, but am reluctant to tell (I guess that's a secret).

Also, how do you plan on furnishing me the information? I'm not really good at this espionage stuff. Most of my experience comes from movies and right now all I can think of is the scene from Trading Places with Eddie Murphy in the parking garage and all of the scenes in Burn After Reading (It didn't turn out well for any of people in that movie, unfortunately), so I'm probably not the best person to think of a way to exchange sensitive information. I'd probably just recommend that we meet at Arby's and you put it in one of those musical greeting cards. That way, when I read it and people hear the Beatles' "Birthday", they would think that whether I laughed or cried, my reaction would be normal. Even if I got angry, they would probably think it's because I'm not a John Lennon fan.

Well, if you have decided to become a vegetarian or can't afford one of those musical birthday cards (or feel awkward deceiving people by pretending it's my birthday), let me know. We can pick another cool spy place to exchange information, like by Fonzie's jacket in the Smithsonian. (Did you see the second Night at the Museum? Not as good as the first, but still, good fun for the whole family.)

Sincerely yours,

The Chronic Nice Guy