I was thinking of ways to make people who are essentially only good at one thing into great actors/celebrities. Here's what I have so far...
1. Samuel L. Jackson
Whether he plays a pissed hitman, a pissed cop, a pissed Jedi, or the pissed leader of SHIELD, Samuel L. Jackson is always pissed. What is the best role for someone like that - as a priest in a wedding movie. I would pay $9 just to hear a robed Samuel L. Jackson say, "No, mother f@$ker, peace be with YOU!"
2. William Shatner and David Hasselhoff
Tell Shatner he is playing Hasselhoff as an old man. Tell Hasselhoff he is playing a younger William Shatner. Intercut their scenes with heartfelt interviews about early onset senility and you've got an Emmy.
3. Charlie Sheen
Take the first two Major League movies and recent interviews and intercut them with fake interviews with the actors now talking about the problem with athletes doing too much cocaine. You don't even need any new Sheen footage. WINNING!
4. Arnold Schwartzenegger
Put Arnold on a reality show teaching English to students in Japan. (Alternate country: El Salvador) No comedic writing necessary.
5. The Situation
Make a feature length movie of the Situation doing stand up. For an hour and a half. Tie people in their chairs. Call it Dante's Inferno: the first layer of hell. The sequel? Snookie reading Ulysses to her newborn baby.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
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